Many people spend more time planning to buy a house than planning for their life partner – and yet choosing a partner is the single most important choice you will ever make – both emotionally, financially and health-wise.
Despite the almost 50% divorce statistics, many singles still stick to the 60′s adage that “Love is all you need”. And yet, though love and chemistry are essential, they are not only what you need.
During my 21 years as a Relationship Coach and Counsellor, I have come up with an easy way to remember what is needed to ensure you cover all bases and don’t get too carried away with the ‘swoon factor’ when you first meet a new date. If you don’t match in these 5 essential areas, it won’t matter how great you are in bed together.
Using your hand, imagine writing each Essential on each finger.… Thumb: CHEMISTRY: Yes, that indefinable sexual attraction IS essential but for some people, it may take a little while to kick in. So don’t ‘dump’
your date too quickly if you don’t feel that magical stirring in the beginning. Alternatively, you may feel incredible chemistry straight up, but don’t let this fool you that this person is a match made in heaven. There are four other fingers to consider yet
1st Finger: VALUES. What’s important for you?
What are your non-negotiables? Does this person share similar values to you? I used to think that everything was negotiable, but its just not true. Having healthy boundaries means staying true to who you are and what is important to you. When couples have on-going non-negotiable issues that never get sorted, they are often because of dis-similar values. ie she’s an environmentalist, and he’s not.
2nd Finger: INTERESTS:
It may sound obvious, but you do need to share some common interests. Shared interests keep a couple ‘interested’ .. way beyond having children and building homes together. Of course,
you also need some different interests so as to retain a sense of Individuality, and bring some spice into the relationship. You need to be able to enthusiastically support each others interests. ie best not to ask your rockstar boyfriend to put his guitar under the bed and take up accounting
3RD Finger- LIFESTYLE:
Where do you like living? City, Bush, Beach?
How much income do you have, and how do you manage money? Do you have enough similarities with eating, sleeping and exercise?
Little Finger – GOALS: Partners needs to share, or at least
be very supportive of each others goals in life. What time of life are you at? Have you just left Uni, or are you nearing retirement? Do you want children, and when? Like to buy a house, start a business, save some money, travel the world, do some volunteering??
So now that there’s a lovely connection with your Essential ‘fingers’ with your potential date, we then need to look at the 5 C’s on the palm